How to Win at Procrastinating

"I think I'll organize these books by color."
Why, Megan's cat, WHY?!
Why, Megan's cat, WHY?!
Work is a thing you can totally do. With tea.
Work is a thing you can totally do. With tea.

It's impossible to win at procrastinating. Procrastination, in and of itself, is a loss. Loss of time, brain cell function, sanity, grade point average...

We must be talking unicorns.

Let's not forget that procrastination is also the number one cause of student stress and heartbreak in the nation. It has claimed the lives of thousands of innocent study fiends, as their grey matter slowly dissolved into mush scrolling through tumblr, Facebook, and Instagram. It has — 

Just a sec, there's a new vid of Megan's cat staring at the wall. He's so funny.

Alright, there's got to be a better way of taking a break from life.

How about making tea?

  1. Choose your tea. Carefully consider all possibilities before alighting upon the one that speaks to your heart and belly. A rooibos, perhaps, to induce happy vibes and a boost of energizing antioxidants.
  2. Choose the mug. This is just as important as choosing the tea. It has to be an efficient, aesthetically pleasing beverage container, otherwise you might as well have gone to the cafeteria.
  3. Choose the infuser. Definitely just as relevant as all the choices above! Different infusers promote different reactions from the leaves. Smaller specimens provide less space to expand and release flavor, great for choppy little teas like rooibos. (If you're just doing a teabag, then skip this step.)
  4. Heat the water. If you have a variable temperature kettle to get it to the exact degrees you want — super. If not, use the ancient Chinese bubble-watching method.
  5. Measure out the tea into your infuser. Do you want a concentrated brew that's almost espresso, following South African tradition? Or are you in the mood for a light cup of flavored water? The usual ratio is one teaspoon per 8 ounces of water, but that goes out the window if you're doing it in a gaiwan, and even more out the window if your mug is the size of a beer stein and definitely not the standard 8 ounces. Do a little mental math here — it'll jog your tired brain.
  6. Pour the water into your infuser-ed beverage container, maintaining a steady grip to prevent spillage. With your free hand, flex your study-addled fingers to regain dexterity. (You've still got it, don't worry.) Switch hands to replace the kettle and wiggle around the other fingers to wake them up as well.
  7. Wait for the tea to steep. For rooibos, you've got a nice 5 minutes to really bring that flavor out. This is plenty of time to practice handstands or watch a cat video.
  8. When the time is up, remove the leaves from your waiting beverage. Toss 'em or save 'em, it's your call.
  9. Sip in serenity.
  10. Feel so darned calm and at peace that nothing can stand in your way. That piddling lab report? Bring it on.
  11. Realize that you're back on task.
  12. Win.
  13. Celebrate your win with another cup.
  14. Keep winning.